now you're just somebody that i used to know

Revenge is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies.
sound advice.
i finally feel free of the band drama. it took a lot of thinking and trying different approaches but in the end, like most things, you just have to forgive people, even when they don't apologize and let them go.
it does drive me crazy when i feel like someone doesn't see me for me. i feel like i have to prove myself. i have to constantly try and make them see how i'm not the person they think i am.
i didn't even realize that i was doing it though until today. and that's the real reason i've been so angry.
i feel like people's actions toward me are a reflection of how they see me. so i feel like i have to fix myself in their eyes.
and i never realized how much energy i was wasting on it. sounds cliche but, i don't owe anyone an explanation. and i really don't need to prove myself to anybody. and all that energy should be put into the people i do care about and not the ones who are toxic.
for the first time in a very long time, i feel really at peace with everything.
and i know it's not gonna always feel like this, but understanding is half the battle.

in other news, i got in a fight. a physical fight. and i have a black eye and i may have broken my hand. it's been a rough week. i'm not blogging because there hasn't been a single day this week where i would put what happened, even hints of it, on the internet. even in a private blog that no one reads.

home watching BSG icing my face and gonna sleep, hopefully, for the first time in a long time.
not sure i can keep up with this rockstar crap much longer. but next week is... not looking like a promising start to any sort of detox...flyin to SFO with some girlfriends for st. patrick's day and the weekend is already filled with scheduled chaos.

here's some fun vagueblogging:
there's half a bottle of whisky and 30-40 records thrown about on my living room floor... someone read me a bedtime story a few nights ago... it hurts to swallow b/c i may have damaged my throat and this is not related to the fist fight i got in...my vanity mirror is broken and i have no idea why... there's a cocktail named after me at bathtub gin :)

g'night babies.