we were nothing

Things here have been interesting as usual. Lots of drama. Lots of love. Some crying. Lots of singing. Sex. Art. Heartbreak. Panic. Inspiration. Rejection.
Can't really sum it up in any kind of box.
Maybe partition by category.
drama-
shasta is on the horizon and i'm both excited and nervous. excited because, in all honesty, my bod is pretty rockin right now. and lots of exes will be bringing their new sig-o's. And i'm shallow (or more honest and self aware) so feeling skinnier than someone can often be as much as i need to feel better about a breakup. and i've got an arsenal of Agent Provacateur bikinis to rock.
but alas...of the 7 guys on my boat, i've slept with 5 of them. and only 1 of the 5 is public knowledge. and there's varying degrees of how much drama would be caused by people finding out A- about the past and/or B- whether or not it happens again during the trip.
those odds + alcohol + 7 days on a boat + no safe backup booty = how in the hell is this not gonna get dramatic? 

love-
still feeling ridiculously lucky to have 4 women who completely accept me. even tho 2 of them don't live here and the other 2 are moving soon, i feel so  much less alone lately. or maybe late 20s is just where it's at in terms of women i connect with. "it's nothing against her, i just have nothing to say to a 23 year old. all they do is talk about youtube videos. which as exciting as they are to watch, somehow i find it difficult to stay engaged when they are described to me."

crying-
still consistently upset about band stuff. still feeling stuck. still feel no one really cares about my suggestions. and then blames me when i'm not able to really get into our live show. still stressed about the growing number of times my drummer drops the ball, doesn't share info, isn't available for one thing or another. but i can't change anything so i must accept it and move on. feels like fame is to this band what a baby is to a failing marriage. i keep thinking success will excited everyone and reengage people. but he forgot to turn in the W9 that we need to get paid for our first ever paying gig. And no one's even shared on facebook about the magazine cover we were on. So it feels more and more like these problems won't be fixed by success or maybe by anything. so it's something i keep crying over and it should be the one thing that never makes me cry. and that's stressful.

singing-
played 2 really fun shows in the last 2 weekends. and did 2 ridiculous nights of karaoke at rock box with some climbing friends. and finally posted a somewhat not-terrible version of my gotye cover that i've been working on forever.

sex, art, inspiration, heartbreak, rejection, panic... i'll save for another entry. itchin to get home and work on the cover more ;)