honors calculus and gun violence

The hardest I ever worked in college was in honors calculus. Like the arrogant standard obsessed girl that I am, I refused to take business calc even tho that was all taht was required as a finance major. and I refused to take regular calc. I wanted the smart kid class. And while, the material wasn't particularly challenging, the pace of the class was insane. People would be like "you can solve it like this" and the professor would be like "well, that's 3 chapters ahead but yeah that works." and i'm like "hello! I've never taken calc before maybe stick to the FUCKING CHAPTER WE'RE IN!"
anyway-
i took all the problems in the book and put them on those 5X7 flashcards and kept them next to my bed.
I worked really. fucking. hard.

and it started messing with my head.

when a girl jumped off the roof of our dorm and killed herself, i walked around calculating whether or not she hit terminal velocity based on her weight and the height of the building.

yesterday some people got shot in Seattle by a random crazy guy with a gun.

and now people are going nuts about crime statistics and how safe seattle is and who is at fault.

and i'm realizing, that my job is like my honors calc class.

because i absentmindedly start picking apart people's claims and challenging assumptions and wondering about the data sets and how i would accurately claim that one city is "safer" than another.

what is "safety?" and in a world where people are afforded the luxury of free will, who IS at fault when someone mentally ill lashes out in violence?

genetics? and is it our fault for unnaturally prevailing as a society, curing sickness and passing on defective genes?

statistics? the larger the city, the more people there are to go crazy? are we a less safe city because 1 shooting for us is relative to 100 for new york or chicago?

quality of life? what measures can we take to ensure everyone is satisfied in their lives while still preserving the capitalistic healthy competitive nature that drives our society forward?

my brain goes in circles and i want data sets and i want to look for patters and find the data to back it up when i say "stop talkin shit about my favorite city"

but probably the biggest mindfuck is when that "let's all be good to one another" glow wears off after the media coverage dies down and people go back to being dicks and no one learns anything and we all just wait for the next excuse to feel alive.