Voxen

for the record, voxen is a word i made up to describe vocal slut-ery. is when a singer is involved in multiple projects and doing a bunch of guest tracks etc.
just so we're clear, when months from now people steal it and try to pretend they've been saying it for years...
just kidding, go ahead, take it, it's yours :)
anyway,
today i want to vent a little bit on the challenges of being a lead singer. and then end with a most perfect story of how the high road sometimes does have its rewards.
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so-  when you sit back and think it,  what you're really saying when you sing in a band is:  "i am interesting and talented enough to demand your attention."
there's no way around it. no one would ever choose to do this if they didn't believe that in some way.
and that's always been the struggle. i do think i'm talented enough to demand your attention. but i also know how much better so many other people are and how i pale in comparison.
but being self-aware never helped anyone in this business. so you have to fake it. and accept that some people are going to feel it's their job to tear you down and put you in your place.
people want to go "hey. HEY! you're not as good as you think you are, you know. let me make you a list..." and you wanna say "dude, i'm well aware. but i'm tryin to pretend here."

one thing i do share with my diva alter ego is that we both are very good at pretending to be much stronger than we are. it's unfortunate because people feel they can be a little rougher with me than i'd like.

but at the end of the day, it is what it is. i like singing. and there are 4 wonderful guys who want me to be their lead singer. and they've seen me attempt the same riff 15 times and fucking it up over and over. and finally get it right. and they've seen me nail a track in one take. and they know what i sound like without auto-tune. and they're patient while i learn the harmony.
it's actually a pretty amazing relationship to have. singing in front of people is nerve wracking for almost everyone. i feel lucky to have such a supportive environment to grow in.
also blah blah blah emotional love crap. i'm such a hippy these days.
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and now the story:
a review of our album was posted which was highly critical of my skills as a vocalist. since i'm publicly blogging about this I will be very upfront. It is my opinion, that it was an unfair review. i feel it was bias and a passive aggressive attempt to hurt me. A particularly caustic line called me "the Achilles heel of the band." As strong as I want to pretend I am, band practice later that night was chock full of insecurity and self-doubt. If the goal was to hurt me, it worked. I was very hurt.

so- i went through the normal internal immature response options and decided that the if i wanted to be a good, mature, loving person it meant three things:
1-deciding that bad press is still press. and honestly, if i read a something where the singer was given such a harsh review, i'd definitely have to go buy it to see how bad it really was.
2- working even harder to promote the album and essentially "get a second opinion."
and 3- not standing up for myself no matter how much i wanted to. because it's purely selfish.
then
today
we got our first album review in Seattle Weekly and it was ... satisfying.

Singer Kari Tarr has an enchanting and powerful voice that's the undisputed backbone of the group.

True happiness (i think) comes from putting your energy into things that will have a positive impact. I've made it a habit of putting all the pain I'm going through and anger I feel toward things into songs.  

and then..

The lyrics are believable and genuine, unlike the emo-pop mouthful typical of competing girl bands.

the high road is a little less lonely today. 

#lessons_from_the_universe