this weekend i was walking downtown and a dog came running past me followed by it's owner. upon catching the dog, the owner proceeded to beat him in a very public square. everyone looked on in horror. a few people yelled things. the owner and his friends cursed and waved knives at the people to mind their own business.
i watched, unsure of what to do. and ultimately ducked into a store out of fear of getting shot, as people who interfere with crazy thugs downtown are wont to do.
earlier tonight some friends of mine did something that i thought was irrationally cruel, publicly, to someone i don't know.
maybe part of it was the dog. maybe part of it was feeling tired of people people cruel to each other and having no one stand up for them, but i posted a public rebuttle and defended someone i barely know and most people really dislike.
and i felt like an annoying hippy free love type, but it made me cry. i don't even know the kid and wasn't personally affected by what he did, but i felt existentially sad for the universe that ugliness and hatred exist and keeps spiraling. you hurt someone, they're friend hurts you, your friend hurts them. it never ends and no one seems to be strong enough to let it all go.
and part of it is my own bias. i'm living in a world where i'm being punished for hurting someone by losing the friendship of almost everyone i've loved for the last 3 years. and i'm trying. i'm really really trying not to be hateful or blame anyone. i want perspective. i want to be compassionate. and it is SO much easier to say "fuck them for the hurt they're causing me." but i really want to be above it.
so,
like the sign of a true friend, i told the pirate that i was too upset to hang out and work on our puzzle and needed to be alone and write and he finished his glass of wine, told me he loved me and left me without guilt.
and then because i was feeling generous i friended the random person who added me on facebook.
and she messaged me and said "i just wanted to let you know, that i love your voice and your music ins amazing and inspires me."
and i was just about to give up on this silly "be good to each other" song i was writing about today.
sometimes it feels like the universe is being such a dick even though you keep trying to do what you think is right. and then sometimes it sends you a little message.
so i'm gonna let go. everyone else can deal with things their way, but i'm not gonna give up on people. everyone is someone's little girl or boy. everyone started off innocent. everyone's just trying to find their own peace in a world that makes it next to impossible. it's easy to judge someone for how they're trying to manage, but what's the fucking point.
some silly high school girl told me my music gave her a "musical orgasm" and it was more cathartic than anything i could have done myself.
so i guess my advice is , put your energy into making the world better for someone, instead of worse for someone else?
and in the immortal words of amanda palmer, "remember we're all gonna die, so be good to each other."
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